Gratitude is a huge tool in 12-step programs. People often make gratitude lists, or find other ways to have “an attitude of gratitude” – to focus on what is positive and the ways in which they are showered with support, rather than giving in to the urge to grouch around and make everything negative.

I used to see that as a burden. Like, OHHH, you should be GRATEFUL for what you have. Like SUCK IT UP! There will always be someone worse off than you, so you can’t be justifiably upset about anything! You have to make like you are happy about it all! Or like a threat: be grateful or I’ll give you something to really be unhappy about!

Eventually I let go of my resentments around it and learned to use it as a tool, to practice thinking about all the great stuff in my life or the overlooked silver lining in whatever is pissing me off. Like people say, what we put our focus on grows. Our minds work like microscopes, zooming in on great or horrible details until they fill our entire field of vision and seem like the whole universe.

But it’s only recently that I figured out that gratitude equals joy. Being grateful about things just means ENJOYING them.

I like this much better. It suggests that “having an attitude of gratitude” means I get to ENJOY my life. That I can go around just looking for things to enjoy about what I am doing. The sun, the wind, walking outside, seeing someone I like, being at work, not being at work, having a cool idea to think about, eating some chocolate, whatever. There’s a lot to enjoy in my life. And that means I get to use this idea to work on being present in my life, which is a lot easier than trying to, separately, be present AND every so often list things I am grateful for. It means integrating joy into my every day – and not just that, but that I am SUPPOSED to have a joyful time here. That this is a reasonable, laudable goal.

So rather than trying to stop and mentally list things that I can be thankful for, I get to enjoy my life on an everyday basis. Like the keychain I got that says, “Don’t postpone joy.”

And it’s a good reminder: if I’m not enjoying something, why am I doing it? Sometimes there’s a good reason: I don’t enjoy filling out my timesheet, but I will certainly enjoy the money that follows as a direct result. Sometimes I can find something to enjoy in those necessary things, too: I can make it a little challenge to fill it out correctly, like a puzzle. (I have a really hard time getting the timesheet all the way right!)

Sometimes it’s ridiculous: I’m not enjoying myself because I am spinning my wheels, looking for jobs way past my bedtime and cranky because I am tired; hanging out with people I would normally enjoy but secretly just stressing about when we are going to stop and eat because I am hungry and I don’t know what to do about getting some food where we are; reading a book because I really wanted to earlier and I think that must mean I still want to, instead of checking in with my feelings to see what I actually want to be doing now. In other words, neglecting my needs – a classic survivor pitfall. Stopping to notice this stuff helps me shape my life, carving away behaviors and experiences that don’t work for me and choose the ones that are fun and fulfilling.

What are you enjoying right now? How much more do you enjoy it when you take a moment to consciously notice that joy?